Lacrymosa
by UninspiredPoet
Summary: "You'll never know how much I loathe the fact that you're all I have." - A story starting in BFA spanning the length of the relationship between Jaina Proudmoore and Sylvanas Windrunner. The man that broke them both drew them together - and what have they become? What will they become? (Will cover multiple expansions.)
1. Chapter 1

**ATTN: This fic will no longer be updated on this site.**

 **The story will be continued on AO3.**

 **/works/16403030/chapters/38398064**

Chapter 1

"You'll never know how much I loathe the fact that you're all I have." Jaina Proudmoore's voice was low as she rested the leather-clad palm of her hand against the hearth she was standing near. Her brow furrowed as the dying firelight cast a flickering glow across her features - no longer as youthful as they once were, yet no less captivating. The mage's icy eyes fell shut as she heard a whisper of movement behind her in the darkness that caused her breath to catch in her throat.

"You think not?" The Warchief's ethereal voice caused the mage's skin to crawl in ways she would never be fully comfortable with. "You built us a fire. The better to see you with, hm?"

"You've always been a touch too cocky for my liking, Windrunner." Jaina responded, finally turning to face...nothing but shadow and darkness in the room. And...yes, there it was. That dark, grating chuckle that seemed to come from nowhere. Her chest rose slowly before she let out a long, even sigh. "Neither of us has time for games, Sylvanas." Jaina's voiced was edged with no small amount of tension and as she took a step forward the sound of the tip of her staff meeting the uneven cobbled flooring was louder, perhaps, than she'd intended it to be.

Sylvanas watched her from the corner she'd retreated to, leaning into it with her arms crossed over her chest as she allowed the shadows concealing her to melt away from her form slowly. The red glow of her eyes gave her away and the corner of her lips turned up just so. "I can always count on you to be the level-headed one, can't I? My apologies, Lady Proudmoore." The Warchief pushed herself away from the wall and the creak of long worn-in armor matched the cadence of her boots as she bridged the distance between them, far enough into the firelight that Jaina could finally see her before she stopped.

There was an almost pensive look on the Warchief's perpetually placid face. The last time they had met hadn't been at all pleasant - it had taken a bit of work to mend the damage Jaina had caused in her rage and even more work to explain it away. But, as it had been since the first time they'd found solace in one another, Sylvanas had taken it. Perhaps she would always be the only one that could. It was something she'd recognized and accepted long ago and more often than not it was a small enough price to pay for what Jaina offered her. And still her last unspoken transgression hung between them so thickly it was almost palpable. Teldrassil.

Jaina hated herself for the way she softened in response to the expression on the other woman's face - the way she held herself so still and so stiffly. Braced for Jaina to express her disappointment physically instead of just verbally.

"Don't look at me like that." The mage chided as she took the steps Sylvanas wouldn't in order to bring them together. It had been months since their last meeting. Months that Jaina had spent deciding whether or not she could live without the Banshee Queen after all this time.

"How badly did I hurt you?" Her voice was scarcely above a whisper now as she leaned her staff against the wall nearby and then lifted her hand up to rest between the mail collar that covered the front of the Warchief's throat and the large, ornate pauldron adjacent to it. The only bare skin she touched was with the metal-tipped side of her thumb and she marveled at the way the Warchief stood stock still so easily despite how vulnerable she was. The mage just barely dug the pointed glove-tip into the cold, ashen skin at the bottom of the Elven woman's throat and her soft blue eyes met the familiar fiery glow that was burning into her. Subdued, now. Like hot coals in a cooling hearth. Something very few people ever got to see. The mage was rewarded with a flicker of unreadable emotion behind the mask the Warchief wore so well.

"Not so badly that I could ignore your invitation. But then you knew that before you sent for me, didn't you?" She reached for Jaina's gauntlet then, never so much as glancing downwards as she unbuckled the straps holding it on and pulled it off of her surprisingly delicate hand, leaning ever closer all the while.

"Sylvanas…" there was a warning in the warmth of that voice. A warning the Warchief wouldn't heed as she dropped the heavy piece of armor to the floor and guided Jaina's hand up into the hood of her cloak - along the nape of her neck to the simultaneously brittle and silken hair hidden within her cowl. The woman didn't struggle - couldn't bring herself to. Couldn't even manage to want to pull away as her fingertips found the cool skin they would never stop missing when parted.

"Jaina." The cold, hollow echo was still present in Sylvanas's voice even as gentle as it was as she shifted and pressed their bodies together - not daring to make a move toward any of the other various pieces of armor keeping them from truly touching. There was an unspoken plea in her tone when she said the other woman's name and it only served to further melt Jaina's resolve as she moved her hand to pull down the cowl that obscured so much of the Warchief from the eyes of so many. But not from her.

"You needn't wear that around me." The delicate way in which she spoke matched the way her fingers slipped so carefully into the almost silvery strands of hair before she touched along the upper ridge of the Warchief's long, pointed ears in a way that, any other time, she knew would've made Sylvanas shudder. Sometimes it was so difficult to reconcile how beautiful this woman was with what she was capable of. The kind of beauty songs were written about mixed with the kind of power that could tear worlds apart. That _was_ tearing their world apart. But then she knew all too well she could've said the same of her own contrasts. She was no angel, herself. And certainly no stranger to power.

Her lips parted as her gaze shifted from the ears she'd been absently playing with to the eyes that illuminated the small space between them. It would be so easy to have her. To reach to the back of her neck and unclasp the throat guard there, the chest plate, the leggings. So many times she'd stripped away what truly made Sylvanas Windrunner what she was both physically and emotionally. And Sylvanas held the same sway over her.

"You toy with me, Jaina…" The expression the mage wore was almost unreadable - even for Sylvanas. A mixture of pain and anger, certainly. No small hint of need. But the hundred other fleeting thoughts and feelings there were lost to her. Even after so many years, there were parts of Jaina Proudmoore that remained a mystery to her. And she stood still, then, as difficult as it was. Her ears twitched beneath fingertips so warm they almost burned her skin as it seemed the mage was suddenly intent upon re-learning anything she might have forgotten.

"And you act as though it wasn't your choice to stay away from me for so long." Sylvanas whispered as her hands finally moved to the heavy buckle keeping Jaina's cloak clasped around her shoulders. She hadn't expected to be stopped and yet she was - a small hand surrounding both of hers firmly, seemingly unbothered by the plate ridges of her gloves digging into tender skin.

"Not tonight." Jaina managed. "I'd have stayed away from you forever if I truly had a choice. But you know as well as I do that there isn't one to be made any longer. There hasn't been for a long time."

"Jaina...I…" The Warchief trailed off as her jaw clenched and she glanced up at the wall behind them, her hands obeying as they always would and instead moving to cradle either side of the mage's neck, thumbs stroking along her delicate jawline and dwarfing it within their sinister coverings in a way that might have been cause for alarm if it weren't just the two of them in the room.

As though she felt bad for having rejected her in such a way Jaina pulled the taller woman's head down and let her lips brush against her temple in a fleeting kiss. Sylvanas nearly melted into the touch but settled for sliding one arm around Jaina's waist within her cloak as her other hand cradled the back of the woman's head.

"When will I see you again, then?" Her voice was slightly breathy as she turned her head in such a way that their lips nearly brushed as she spoke and she could feel the heat coming from Jaina's, they were so close.

"Soon enough." Came a response so certain and so immediate it soothed her, if only for the moment.

"And will you let me touch you then?" The Warchief hid most of the vulnerability she was feeling in that moment from Jaina but the mage knew her too well for it to be fully masked.

"I want you to touch me right now. I want you to touch me with hands that have done unspeakable things and I want your mouth all over my skin. The same one that has given orders I still cannot fully comprehend the terrible magnitude of. And as soon as I can wrap my head around that again the answer will be yes." Jaina murmured, pulling back reluctantly and reaching to fix the hood of the other woman's cloak - guiding delicate ears through the slits in the wool material and settling it back as though it had never been disturbed. "But not tonight."

And then the room filled with the momentary electrified feeling of a portal being torn open between them and the chamber behind the throne in Orgrimmar flickered between them, casting an eerie glow over both of them. The portal effectively separated them and Sylvanas knew the longer it was open the more dangerous it became. The look on her face was a muddle of anger and desperation as she looked at Jaina through the rippling, writhing surface of the spell. "I could pull you through with me, you know." Sylvanas threatened as she paced a short distance on the other side of the portal, visibly agitated at having been so teased and so denied.

"But you won't." Jaina responded with a sad smile, shaking her head at the dangerously bright flash of red eyes across the portal before the presence was gone entirely. She lifted a hand and closed the portal, feeling drained as she tried to quell the feelings roiling within her. She had wanted Sylvanas as badly this night as ever she had if not worse and had only her own pride to blame for the emptiness threatening to consume her.

Jaina made her way over to one of the nearby shuttered windows and pushed it open, looking out as nearby waves crashed against the seawall of the long forgotten town she had chosen for their meeting in an attempt to think of anything other than how close those lips had been to hers. How much the cool reprieve of the Warchief's skin would have soothed the burning of her own. They belonged to one another so wholly she knew she wouldn't deny Sylvanas when they met again. That she wouldn't deny herself, either. If she survived her journey to Kul Tiras the following day.

" _Lacrymosa"_

Evanescence

Out on your own,  
Cold and alone again.  
Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me,  
Set your guilt free.  
Nothing can hold you back now.

Now that you're gone,  
I feel like myself again.  
Grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

To let you blame it on me,  
And set your guilt free.  
I don't want to hold you back now love.

I can't change who I am.  
Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me.  
And in this short life, there's no time to waste on giving up.  
My love wasn't enough.

And you can blame it on me,  
Just set your guilt free, honey.  
I don't want to hold you back now love.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 _The Lady Jaina Proudmoore has been taken into Kul Tiran custody for treason. It seems she might soon be out of our hair._

 _Treason._

The unexpected words echoed in her ears and left her momentarily stunned as she tried to process the information. She'd just been with her...why hadn't Jaina told her...

"Repeat yourself. Now. And Elaborate." Sylvanas's eyes flashed from the shadows that hid any emotion that had made its way into her features in the darkened conference room.

"Yes, of course, Dark Lady." The gravel-filled voice of one of her most trusted operatives cut through the cold, dark space of the otherwise empty room.

"As you know - two ships departed Stormwind very early this morning. I've been informed Lady Proudmoore along with an Alliance champion were on one of them. It would also seem another ship under Si: 7 control departed with them. I know with certainty that Proudmoore remains imprisoned. I'm...less certain of the fate of all the rest. Those dealings weren't made quite as public as the apparent...familial issues. That is all I have for you at this moment in time, my Queen."

The Warchief remained seated, unmoving and unreadable before she finally lowered her gaze to the maps spread out in front of her. "That will be all. Come to me at once when you know more."

She listened to the familiar sound of the spy's salute as well as his hasty retreat from the room and barely managed to contain the rage building deep within her chest as she heard more footsteps approaching. "Can you not see that I'm -"

"Yes, my Queen. I can see well enough." Nathanos took a few more steps inside and sighed quietly as he came to a stop at the long end of the table between them. "I...heard. Forgive me for listening. I was merely doing my job."

The Banshee Queen stood slowly, the tips of her gloves digging into the rough-hewn table as every muscle in her body tensed in agonizing waves. "Your job? Then tell me, Nathanos." She responded - voice dripping with cynicism. "What, exactly, am I to do now?" She approached him, walking around the table and clenching her fists as she rolled her shoulders. "You're supposed to be in Zuldazar securing us a fleet. That is your job. Not following my spies here to play mother hen to my day-old chick."

The slight tremor to the breath the Ranger-Lord released wasn't something Sylvanas could easily ignore. It wasn't often he even took much notice of her outbursts. But then he was more aware of what dwelled within her than most. And he could feel when it was closer to the edge than usual.

"Return to your duties." She muttered darkly, taking a step back for his sake.

The next visit from her informant was no better than the first. Worse, really. It left her reeling. It pulled the world from beneath her feet.

Exiled.

Exiled and then taken to a place even her Dreadguards would have been reluctant to scout. But then she didn't need them to. There was no one more suited to finding Jaina than her. It wasn't the first time but as she counted the arrows in her quiver and then hung it against her back to buckle the strap in the center of her chest she found herself hoping it would be the last.

 _You were at my side in the Undercity._

 _We could have ended them all…_

"No. No." Jaina pressed her hands to her ears and then tugged at her hair, shaking her head vigorously. The whispers hadn't stopped for hours...days? Perhaps years. She no longer knew. Everyone and everything she had ever failed or disappointed.

And in between these sanity-rending visions, the tainted Drust came after her relentlessly. She was running out of energy to fight. Running out of reasons.

Rotting leaves slipped beneath her boots as she stumbled along, trying to get away from the false image of Varian.

 _Sylvanas, Thrall…_ Think _what our world could have been if-_

Jaina reeled around and sent a frostbolt in the direction of a voice that sounded twisted and wrong even to her own ears but the attack missed its mark. There was nothing there.

But there just was...she just saw...heard…

Tears of rage and terror burned in her eyes as she turned back around to move on. She had to get out. She had to get out.

Her pace quickened. The ends of her robes whipped around her legs as she ran through the disorienting fog of Thros - all of it designed to break whoever found themselves trapped here. And more specifically, now, to break her.

A familiar face caused her to slide through the decaying ground cover to a stop and a tired, confused smile replaced the maddened look on her face. "Rhonin?" She asked, swallowing thickly against the rasp in her throat.

The mage returned the smile for a moment before something changed in eyes that were no longer familiar to her and the expression twisted as the tell-tale ripple of dark magic spread through his body.

What he had to say left her trembling on her knees in the filth this place was made of, bent over her own arms holding her stomach as her shoulders shook with sobs she could no longer vocalize.

"Rhonin..I...I'm sorry."

But he was gone - in his place another abomination. And the sudden, distinct urgency to will herself to care enough to fight again.

"Damnable, filthy creatures." Sylvanas spat as she downed another one, kicking through the wicker and bone in irritation as she pulled her arrow from the mess, a look of distaste and irritation on her face. How many so far? Fifty or more? But she was nothing if not a tracker and she'd been on Jaina's trail solidly since entering the Blighted Lands.

Her pace was quick and easy. Even in woods as haunting and dark as this, she felt at home...perhaps even more so, now, than in the forests of her birthplace.

Sharp ears allowed her to hear the visions Jaina was experiencing - bouncing insidiously off the trees. Echoing in the strangest ways. And oh, she knew the mage was suffering. Knew the feeling all too well. But then none of these hardships were a surprise to her. Unbeknownst to the world that so loved to turn its back on those that sacrificed for it - she had been there. A bulwark against the storms that now threatened to break her beloved quarry apart beyond repair.

Her eyes darted down in the direction of movement along the side of the path and with a strong upward motion of her bow she cleanly removed the head of one of the wicker hunters that seemed to think themselves well-hidden. "So clever." She chided without ever taking a moment to gather herself.

Jaina was nearer now. The tracks were fresher...and they were beginning to worry her. Instead of clean boot prints, it looked as though the mage was dragging her feet - even stumbling every so often.

She was so close now she could almost feel her - almost hear the beating of her heart - and every time she rounded a corner she expected to find her only to be met with disappointment. And..eventually...herself.

 _Lady Windrunner, I...I wouldn't have expected us to share the same opinion in this matter. That's all I'm saying._

 _It is the only way to avoid the crippling number of casualties we will suffer if Garrosh's plan is allowed to unfold. And I cannot afford to have the Alliance knocking at my door._

 _Agreed. But what are we to do?_

 _Garrosh is watching me too closely. There isn't a single citizen of the Undercity he does not look upon with scrutiny. You must find someone you trust. You must get word to Jaina Proudmoore. If Theramore is evacuated - there will be no battle to fight. No losses. And the Warchief will be none the wiser if we time this right. Alternatively - they have time to build a defense so formidable even Garrosh won't be able to deny it would be folly to break our peoples against it._

Sylvanas bared her teeth at the memory - her eyes burning so brightly they cut the darkening haze of the forest like a razor's edge. She hadn't counted on Garrosh's persistence. "I have no time for this!" She shouted - her own voice echoing deafeningly against the trees in a way that only hers could. And then, with a lurch that nearly threw her off balance, the vision overtook her again.

 _The Horde was...victorious in Theramore._

Sylvanas watched as the echo of herself seated at her long-gone mapping table in Undercity lifted its head. The unbridled terror in her eyes was unmistakable - especially to herself.

 _How?_

 _It was destroyed, my Queen. The attack...merely a front. There is nearly nothing left._

 _And what of the Alliance leaders there?_

 _We do not know as of yet...mostly dead, we suspect._

The vision was broken by her own scream - the ghosts fading, breaking against the power behind it. Rage that had torn from her throat. Regret. She hadn't been able to save Jaina from the pain of failing her people. She hadn't acted strongly enough. Quickly enough. Not again. She would not let her down again.

The ground flew beneath boots that barely touched it and she left a ruin of wicker bodies behind her as she tore along the path Jaina had unintentionally left for her.

And what she found nearly broke the pieces of her heart that were left. Pieces that belonged only to the woman crumpled on the ground before an image of who could only be her father.

She paced a few feet into the clearing and instead of engaging the creature hooked her bow against the quiver on her back, spreading her arms to either side of herself as she bared her teeth and the fire in her eyes spread to her face. "Enough." The word was laced with the wicked power she possessed and silence fell over the forest when a blanket of summoned darkness impacted with the ground, spreading in tendrils ever closer to the mage and writhing around her own ankles as she walked. A blackness even the insanity that was Thros couldn't penetrate. One belonging only to her.

Jaina couldn't move. She couldn't think. Couldn't feel. Her head felt as though it was splitting in two - filled with the sound of her father's voice.

She couldn't even hear her own sobs any longer. She was nothing...nothing but the pain she felt and the voices. As darkness began to envelop her she steeled herself against her fate and yet...this wasn't death. No. It couldn't be. She forced herself up from the ground enough to look down at where her fingertips had been digging into the soft earth moments before only to find them buried in a thick, cold blanket of shadow.

"Sylvanas." She gasped out as she realized the cursed visions and words had been drowned out entirely.

"Yes, my love." The reply seemed far away...less human than she was used to, and it caused her to turn her head weakly towards its source.

 _"Don't fret."_ The voice was in her head, now. Soothing the holes burned through her mind by the shades that had been haunting her so viciously. And through the darkness came, ironically enough, the brightest light her life had ever known. Like some sort of dark savior with her hands outstretched and concern etched into her sharp features. More banshee, now, than elf. Slowly but surely the blanket that had fallen over the clearing was drawn back into claw-like hands as Sylvanas created a space only for them and came to kneel at Jaina's side. _"Get up."_ Sylvanas's lips still hadn't moved as blackened ribbons shifted beneath Jaina and wrapped around her arms, pushing her upwards until she could kneel well enough on her own.

"You're real." Jaina breathed, reaching a hand up and resting it against Sylvanas's chest, finding the strap of her quiver and holding onto it like it was a lifeline.

When Jaina touched her Sylvanas pulled herself back into her corporeal form just in time to catch the mage firmly in her arms as she leaned into her chest for support. "Of course I am." She breathed a sigh of relief, kissing the blond patch of hair that stuck out so vibrantly in its bed of white as she felt Jaina rest against her.

The Warchief held her for a long while, nothing daring to attempt to penetrate the strange magics she'd woven around them. "Jaina…" She lifted the other woman's chin after brushing a fingertip down her jawline, waiting for those silvery eyes to meet hers - to show enough recognition for her to speak. "Your mother and one of your champions come for you. I can hear them even now. I will not leave you unless you can promise me they will find you and not just pieces of you. And if I do not leave you - they will find you in my arms."

"No...no, Sylvanas." She pushed at one of the Warchief's heavily armored shoulders. "They'll kill you. You must leave me."

The push did little to physically move her and she cradled Jaina's face in her hands, leaning their foreheads together. "Then promise me there will be something left of you for them to find. And that when next we meet there will be something left for me, too."

"I promise." Jaina's tone was more present now. Stronger.

Sylvanas reached down to her belt pouch and pulled out a corked vial of dimly glowing liquid, bringing it to Jainas lips as she turned her head enough to kiss the corner of her mouth before speaking against it. "Drink."

And she did. Obeying wordlessly. It restored some of her lost energy - dulled the ache in her head and returned most of the agency she normally had over her body.

"Go back to their world, Jaina. You are far too beautiful for this one."

"So are you." Jaina responded firmly, pulling back to look at her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I left it last time. And the time before that." Her voice was still raspy from crying even as she traced the lines of tears forever burned into the Warchief's face.

Sylvanas only smiled faintly and took Jaina's hand in her own - pressing her cheek into it and then turning her head to kiss the leather that covered her palm. "Silly mage." She whispered into it as her eyes fell shut for a moment. "I am the one person you will never owe an apology to. And as for the lost time...we can make up for it soon. In fact, if you don't come to me or bring me to you within the next few days expect to find me in your bedchambers patiently awaiting your return."

There was an almost playful look in her eyes when they opened again and with more care than anyone would've ever assumed her capable of she lowered Jaina to the ground, gathering the woman's hood beneath her head in a way that wasn't too obvious but would keep her face protected.

Even through the barrier she created they both heard Katherine's next gun blast in the distance and Sylvanas nearly chuckled. "A spirited bunch, aren't you?" She looked down at Jaina and lowered the hand she'd still been holding towards the ground as she moved to stand up only to be stopped by a strong grip around her bicep. She raised an eyebrow as she was pulled down suddenly - the action made easier with how off-guard it caught her.

For the next few moments, all she knew was the blessed warmth of Jaina's lips crashing into her own and the sting of a hand tangled in her hair so strongly and so possessively it would've been painful for anyone else. She breathed out sharply through her nose against Jaina's cheek and parted her lips for the mage's beseeching tongue, all but collapsing back onto her knees over the woman and pinning her wrist above her head.

Even having been the aggressor Jaina was shocked at the feelings the meeting evoked. It was like they were trying physically to force one another to be okay again. To feel the love they felt for each other. And she did. She felt it in the cool, wet tongue that allowed her own to control the kiss, meeting her own with a gentle reverence even as their teeth grazed now and then and the vice-like grip on her wrist grew tighter. She felt it in the way the tireless, hardened warrior above her could scarcely breathe.

Sylvanas lifted her head reluctantly before they could get carried away and looked down at the human woman's swollen lips, loosening the hold she had on her and instead tucking the hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear, tracing the small, delicate curve of it. "Fiend." She breathed - chuckling as Jaina released her hair and she was finally able to get up.

"Only for you. Now, go. Before my mother catches us together." Her heart was beating so hard she knew Sylvanas could hear it. Hell, she could hear it in her own ears.

"It would almost be worth it at this point." Came Sylvanas's dry reply as she drew the remainder of her power back into herself, walking towards a ridge in the opposite direction from where she heard the shouts of Lady Katherine getting closer.

The noise drew Jaina's attention and her eyes caught movement in the distance through the trees. "Sylvanas, I love you." She whispered, turning to look back to where the Dark Lady had been walking only to find any trace of her gone. As she readied herself for the onslaught of voices to return now that Sylvanas's imposing presence was gone she heard only one.

 _"And I, you."_ So tender and so gentle she could almost feel the words against her ear. For only her to hear.

"All Around Me"

 _Flyleaf_

My hands are searching for you

My arms are outstretched towards you

I feel you on my fingertips

My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being

Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding on to what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me

And you whisper you love me

And I begin to fade

Into our secret place

The music makes me sway

The angels singing say we are alone with you

I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive

I'm alive


	3. Chapter 3

Jaina traced the grain of the wood that passed under her hand as she walked down the hallway to the private quarters that were her destination. _Her_ quarters. Within her _home_. Because that's where she was. Home. In the keep that had always belonged to the Proudmoore family. All these thoughts were both foreign and comforting to her at the same time and she was looking forward to processing them now that she finally had a moment to breathe.

She could sense that her Fleet was nestled safely in the harbor like they were the blood coursing through her veins and for the first time in a long time she felt the stiff discomfort that had settled deep within her joints and muscles - even something so simple as opening the heavy door to her rooms and shutting it brought a sigh of discomfort to her lips. Perhaps she could also afford herself a hot bath..

"Good evening, Lord Admiral."

Jaina nearly jumped out of her skin as she bolted the door frantically and turned her suddenly wild eyes towards the center of the room. She could've sworn she felt her heart skip a beat at the stunning vision she was presented with. Oh, but this was no vision. It was all too real.

Very rarely did she have the opportunity to see Sylvanas dressed in anything but war regalia and as her eyes traced over the black velvet overcoat that hugged the curves of the Warchief, buttoned up along her slender midsection and parting at the swell of her breasts, she found herself wishing that wasn't the case.

Sylvanas smiled warmly at Jaina's reaction and walked over to her - the coat parting against soft, black doeskin breeches and boots that didn't make a sound as she moved. There was no cloak. Just silvered hair that hung down around her face and shoulders and contrasted starkly with the dark clothing she was wearing. She looked astonishingly young and beautiful in an almost tragic way.

"Sylvanas, you-"

"Told you that you would find me here if you made me wait much longer." The Warchief finished for her, coming to a stop in front of her and unfastening the heavy cloak from across Jaina's chest - relieving her of the weight of it and reaching behind her to hang it on a hook by the door.

The Mage didn't have it in her to argue. She knew Sylvanas would've taken every precaution and if she hadn't she certainly would've known by now. She watched as her lover's bare hands worked the buckle of her cloak and pauldron and found herself captivated even by that small action. She had the most elegant hands Jaina had ever seen. And she knew the roughness of those bow-calloused palms and fingers intimately which only served to make them that much more alluring. Knew all too well that they were still somehow as soft as down - and how they could move across her skin like a whisper.

"I have a bath drawn for you." The older woman continued, one hand moving to Jaina's waist to guide her towards the armor stand near the large fireplace positioned near the door. Jaina glanced over and with a simple gesture, there was a fire blazing in the hearth.

"And will you join me in it?" She responded, already slightly breathless at the way Sylvanas had begun undressing her starting with her gloves. Every time a piece of armor was removed its absence was filled, instead, with a lingering kiss. It almost felt as though she were being worshipped. And she was. In every sense of the word.

The Warchief looked up in response to the question and the flames danced in her eyes, matching the color that was already there in a way Jaina found mesmerizing. "If you wish. Of course."

Jaina gave her a soft, affirmative smile and watched raptly as she continued her work. As much willpower as the Warchief possessed she still found her hands on the laces that held the front of Jaina's tunic closed, untying them and guiding the garment down as far as it would go without being fully undone - exposing the pale skin of her chest and shoulders. "Gods, Jaina it's been so long." She breathed, gazing at what she'd bared for herself as she traced her fingertips along the top of the curve of one of her breasts.

"Then wait no longer." Jaina whispered, not trusting her voice to function properly if she spoke any louder. She gathered some of the elven woman's hair in her hand and tugged downwards.

Sylvanas merely chuckled quietly and the loving, mischievous look in her eyes reserved only for Jaina returned. "Sit down, impatient one." She guided her backward into the chair and knelt in front of her, leaning down and kissing her legging-clad inner thigh just above her knee. She looked up at Jaina and began unlacing her boots, feeling her way so she could keep her attention on the Mage's face. The way the pale skin of her cheeks flushed for her was nothing short of intoxicating.

"Do you like me here, Lord Admiral?" Her voice was low and velvety. "A Queen on her knees before you?"

"More than you already think you know, Warchief." The leader of the Kul Tiran fleet reached out and drew the hair on one side of Sylvanas's face behind her ear, stroking her cheek and finding the sharp, defined jawline with her fingertips before grasping her chin. This gave Sylvanas pause. There was real strength behind that grip. "Don't think I'm going to let you have all the fun tonight." Jaina chided lightly - though there was an undeniable rasp of lust and ownership lacing her words - before releasing her.

"I wouldn't dream of it." She tossed the boots aside and then lifted one of Jaina's feet to press against her own chest, staying close enough to her so the mage could bend her leg comfortably. "You shouldn't let yourself get into such a state, Jaina." She scolded as her hands kneaded into the stiff, sore muscles of Jaina's legs - both of them thoroughly worked over by the time she was done. She shifted closer to the chair then, parting Jaina's legs with her hips and leaning into her as her deft fingers found the laces of Jaina's breeches, tugging them open with a faint hint of a tremor. Her fingertips just barely grazed beneath the waistband and she tilted her head, using the bridge of her nose to nudge Jaina's jaw up enough that her lips could find the front of her throat.

"Sylvanas…" Jaina breathed her name as she felt the way those hands had begun to shake - falling in love with the Banshee Queen all over again in that moment. Just as she had countless times before. "Take a breath, my darling." She murmured, pulling her head down to rest against her shoulder.

"I need you more than I need to breathe." The words came out low and heated against the crook of the mage's neck, her teeth grazing the skin there and causing a chill to rise along Jaina's spine and the dull, throbbing ache she felt to settle more deeply within her body.

"Then stop teasing us both and take what is already yours."

A low sound akin to a growl escaped the Banshee Queen and would it not have hurt her Jaina would likely have found herself through the chair and against the wall. Instead, Sylvanas pulled her close and lifted her with an ease that sent a thrill through her. Jaina would be hard pressed to forget what her lover was capable of but a reminder never hurt.

She couldn't help but smirk as Sylvanas pressed her down into the bear fur rug in front of the fireplace only a short distance away but any teasing she was ready to dish out about the bed being just in the next room fell silent on her tongue as her leggings were pulled from her body none too gently.

"I want your hair down." Sylvanas husked as she knelt between Jaina's legs and started working on the part of her corset-like top that wasn't already loosened.

"As you wish." Jaina breathed, pushing herself up onto one elbow and reaching up to tug her braid free - finishing around the same time Sylvanas had successfully finished disrobing her. As her long, wild hair was freed and hung down in waves around her bare chest and arms Sylvanas's lips parted and even the unbridled lust she felt for this woman seemed less important, suddenly than just taking in the sight she was rewarded with.

"Why do you stare so?" She asked breathlessly, reaching up to hold onto Sylvanas's wrist as the risen elf's hand came to gather her hair at the nape of her neck and support her head. She stroked lightly behind Jaina's ear with her thumb as she shook her head.

"Because in all my years nothing has ever rivaled your beauty and nothing ever will." She lowered Jaina down by her hair and used her own knee to part her legs, settling her hips between them as her free hand slid up the mage's thigh to draw it upwards against her own side. "Would that I could have you like this always." She continued, releasing her leg slowly once she felt it pressing against her. Jaina knew she liked that feeling.

"You always make the most of it when you do." Jaina murmured soothingly. She guided Sylvanas down against her with a hand on her neck and leaned up to claim the Warchief's lips with her own, smiling into the kiss as Sylvanas's hair fell down around them even with half of it tucked away behind her ear the way it was.

They explored each other's mouths languidly, basking in the love that passed between them. A love only the two of them would ever know. But Jaina could sense the restlessness in her lover's body - the way the toned muscles of her back tensed beneath her hands as they stroked over the silken cloth of her coat - the way strong hips flexed against her own almost imperceptibly.

She broke the kiss and pulled Sylvanas's hair from her face to look at her, running her thumb over the Warchief's full, slightly bruised lower lip. "I can feel how badly you need me." She covered Sylvanas's hand with her own atop her breast, squeezing it firmly before she guided it down between her own legs and it seemed she needed no more reassurance once her cool fingertips slid through the amply wet heat they found.

Jaina's head fell back into Sylvanas's hand and a gasp caught hard in her throat as two long, slender fingers found their way inside her and were met with the tight resistance of shock. Every time. She felt so good _every_ time. And by now her clandestine lover anticipated this reaction and, thankfully, didn't pause.

"Look." Sylvanas breathed as she lifted Jaina's head easily with the hand that wasn't busy between her legs. "See yourself how I see you." She lifted her own hips just enough so that the mage could watch as her now glistening fingers pressed in and out of her firmly, her own eyes trained on Jaina's face - on the way her lips were parted just so, the way the pinkness in her cheeks spread down her neck and further still - dusting her fair skin beautifully.

Jaina was coming unraveled. Grasping onto the fur beneath her as Sylvanas held her where she was and her labored breaths turned to low, desperate moans. "I want your mouth on me." She gasped out and without pause the Warcheif obeyed, lips and teeth traveling hungrily down the front of her body and leaving a few bruising bites in her wake. Jaina's thighs were quivering as she pressed her cool cheek to the inside of one of them, looking up at her and tossing her hair over her shoulder which the mage quickly reached down for, gathering as much of it as she could to keep it out of Sylvanas's eyes - as much for the other woman's comfort as to be able to see her better.

But she didn't manage to keep her eyes open long once the icy, velvety feeling of Sylvanas's tongue against her clit washed over her. The cold merely added to the eroticism of having her working so fervently between her legs - suckling firmly in time with the rhythm of her fingers. Every subtle nuance of Jaina's body had long been burned into Sylvanas's memory. Every gasp. Every press of her hips up into what she was providing her. And she responded to all of it - wanting nothing more in that moment than the mage's pleasure. She didn't have to wait long.

Jaina cried out hoarsely when she came, tugging harshly on the hair in her fist as her head impacted with the floor beneath it. Sylvanas wrapped her free arm around Jaina's thigh in response - holding her with a grip the mage would never escape unless she wanted her to. But as mercilessly as she could have tormented her she chose not to - instead sliding her mouth upwards to press a kiss to the darkening mark she'd left over Jaina's hip moments earlier.

She moved further up, then, eventually resting her cheek against the center of Jaina's chest with her eyes shut - listening to the frantic beating of her heart as her fingers slowed and she slipped them out carefully. She laid her body down against the other woman - knowing it would help to cool her even through the clothes she still wore and, to her surprise, she found Jaina's arms wrapped around her - a hand combing weakly through her hair. The tender gesture caused her to glance upwards and she reached up to stroke along her younger lover's arm.

"Come here." The mage whispered with a faint smile - her intoxicating eyes half-lidded as Sylvanas did what she asked, smiling as well into the slow, shallow kiss Jaina rewarded her with.

"If I could still taste anything - anything at all - I would choose to be able to taste you on my lips after you've come." She didn't even break the kiss fully as she spoke and before she knew it Jaina's hands were all over her and she was straddling the mage's lap, having been forced upwards by an unexpected show of strength.

Those same hands began undressing her and trail of heat along the skin they touched and she watched, transfixed, as Jaina exposed her upper body and brushed her lips against familiar scars. It was a wonder to her how Jaina could find beauty in so much of her. It always had been. The life of a ranger was a hard one, indeed, and it didn't often leave ones body conventionally attractive save from a distance. But Jaina had been this way since the first time she saw it.

Jaina reveled in lulling Sylvanas into somewhat of a daze before sliding a hand into the tight leather of her pants and finding herself bowled back over onto her back in quick succession when she entered her. The Warchief let out a sharp, long hiss as three of Jaina's fingers stretched her enough that she could feel the sting of it even with her diminished senses and she buried her face against her lover's shoulder.

"Shh...be still, my darling." Jaina murmured against her hair, holding her by the back of her head as her hand never stopped working between them - seemingly unbothered by the confines of the breeches, she whispered a spell under her breath that slowly began to restore some of the function that had been lost by her lover long ago. Her movements became easier as Sylvanas's wetness began to match the arousal she already felt. And with that came more sensation. It was overwhelming. The painful ache she felt for Jaina turned into something that could be satisfied - that was _being_ satisfied by deep, strong thrusting and a whimper passed her lips that was muffled against the soft, comforting warmth of living flesh.

"I've got you." She murmured, turning her head to kiss along what little of the nearest ear she could reach. Her breathing was heavy and her words slightly muddled. It was a heady feeling being able to do this for her. Having her come apart in her arms as what must have been a nearly unbearable amount of vulnerability was laid bare for her to see. To hear. To feel.

"Don't stop." The tone was almost alien. Or at least it would have been to anyone but her. "Jaina, please…" Hands that were too strong tore the fur rug beneath them, the toes of her boots working against the wood floor they dug into as her entire body tensed and spasmed in response to feelings it wasn't supposed to have anymore. But with Jaina she could have them. Here in her arms she was safe. Safe to fall completely apart. But torn asunder might have been a more accurate description of what happened to her when she reached her peak with Jaina inside her and her magic woven all about her. She didn't scream. She was careful never to scream. But the series of broken sounds that came as she pressed her face closer to her lover - against her sweat-dampened neck now - were just as welcome to the mage.

She held Sylvanas as she shook - as she failed to hold herself up on trembling arms and legs any longer and collapsed against her. Jaina supported her weight easily, freeing her hand from between them and gradually, little by little, relieving her of the full power of the spell. It had been a long time for them.

"Look at me." She whispered, slowly turning them onto their sides so that they were still facing one another, legs now twined together as her brow furrowed and she rested a hand along the front of Sylvanas's throat, watching as she turned her head towards the rug for a moment and then finally looked at her - her eyes still slightly wild like those of a trapped beast, though it wasn't something that scared her. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to just her lower lip and then to her high cheekbone, stroking feather-light fingers along the full length of her ear.

Sylvanas relaxed into the tenderness of the moment, resting her head upon Jaina's arm as she laid it down for that very reason.

"Mighty Warchief of the Horde…" Jaina smiled as the words passed her lips and she continued smoothing hair that she'd done quite a number on already this evening.

Sylvanas let out a breath that might have been a laugh. "No." Came a reply more gentle and sincere than even Jaina was used to hearing from her. "When I hear my name on your lips...when I feel you beneath me and within me...you are everything that I am. And all that I am is yours."

 **"Take Me To Church"**

 **Hozier**

My lover's got humour

She's the giggle at a funeral

Knows everybody's disapproval

I should've worshipped her sooner

If the heavens ever did speak

She's the last true mouthpiece

Every Sunday's getting more bleak

A fresh poison each week

"We were born sick," you heard them say it

My church offers no absolutes

She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom."

The only heaven I'll be sent to

Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick

But I love it

Command me to be well

Aaay. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Take me to church

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

Offer me that deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life

If I'm a pagan of the good times

My lover's the sunlight

To keep the Goddess on my side

She demands a sacrifice

Drain the whole sea

Get something shiny

Something meaty for the main course

That's a fine-looking high horse

What you got in the stable?

We've a lot of starving faithful

That looks tasty

That looks plenty

This is hungry work

Take me to church

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife

Offer me my deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life

No Masters or Kings

When the Ritual begins

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene

Only then I am human

Only then I am clean

Ooh oh. Amen. Amen. Amen.


	4. Chapter 4

"What if we left, Sylvanas?" Jaina murmured sleepily as she looked out the window above her bed into the harbor - both exhausted and incredibly sated.

"Mm…" The Warchief murmured as her fingers worked Jaina's still damp, freshly washed hair back into the thick braid she kept it in. They were situated in bed, now - covered only from the waist down and even then in nothing but sheets and her back was against the leather-padded headboard. When she finished her work she pulled Jaina to lay against her chest with an arm around the front of her shoulders, her other hand coming around to tilt her chin up so she could press their lips together. "This world needs something to love...and something to hate. Besides, you would no more leave than I would."

Jaina knew how true that was. But sometimes when they had nights together like this it was easy to forget who they were outside of the world they created for one another. And Jaina often struggled with who Sylvanas was - with who she felt she had to be. But she knew she would never again walk away from someone she loved. And the love she'd felt for Arthas paled in comparison to this.

Sensing how deep in thought Jaina was Sylvanas simply gazed out the window with her, glancing down as she felt a comforting hand grip her knee over the sheets. A little half-smile graced her lips and she bent her head to kiss Jaina's cheek. "I've seen this world change many times. Perhaps it won't always be this way."

"A lovely thought." She whispered as she rested her head back and finally let her eyes slip shut.

"Rest." Sylvanas urged as she looked down at her, the sound of her soft, even breathing mingling with the ebb and flow of the waves against the harbor rocks outside as she drifted off rather quickly. Sylvanas, herself, was content just to feel the steady rise and fall of Jaina's chest against her arm and to watch the way the moonlight fell over her in the now darkened room.

The mood inside the Hero's Welcome was positively festive and Jaina felt herself having the best time she'd had in a long while - always so wrapped up in her work and her duties within her apprenticeship. And since Arthas had expressed his wishes for them to part ways for her to focus on her studies she'd been rather cloistered with her books and fellow apprentices. But tonight, finally, a couple of the more fun-loving members and future members of the Kirin Tor had urged her to share a few drinks and a meal with them. She'd even managed to ignore Kael'thas. For the most part.

/

"Whose turn is it to order us another round?" Modera asked as she sat her empty mug down on the table.

"Mine, I believe." Modera lifted an eyebrow in response to the High Elf mage volunteering. He didn't usually. And then she watched as he turned his attention to their most promising prospect.

"What would the Lady like to drink?" He asked with a smile and a wink.

"Ale. Obviously. I would like more ale." Modera's voice grated from across the table - the dryness of it causing some of the older members gathered around the table to break out into an infectious bout of laughter.

Kael'thas lifted his hands in defeat and took his leave to find the nearest barmaid. Jaina was thankful. It wasn't that she couldn't handle herself. It was just that she didn't particularly feel like dealing with anything at all this evening - particularly a man batting his eyelashes at her. Besides - the Dalaran red she'd been drinking for a majority of the night had her just tipsy enough that she knew better than to make any decisions that required the removal of clothing in the presence of another person.

As her thoughts wandered and the conversation at the table faded into a dull buzz she found her eyes drifting around the large Inn. She found the feeling of being once removed from her surroundings pleasant. It was a very rare occurrence and one she certainly didn't mind right now. She was distracted, though, by an unfamiliar sound coming from the Beer Garden out behind the Inn and she looked through the archway that led to it curiously. Laughter. But unlike that of anyone she knew. It was light and airy - like a fine silver bell ringing. Eventually its source came into view and for a moment everything faded further away than it already had. She had seen Silvermoon's Rangers before - striking in their light armor of silver and blue - but this was clearly no ordinary ranger. The trimmings of her armor shone brightly of gold and it was all much more ornate than that of the small handful of elven women she was gathered with. Her officers, perhaps?

She wondered just how keen this woman's senses must have been as she paused in her conversation to look into the tavern - meeting Jaina's gaze with ease even from so far away. They glowed softly as did the eyes of all her kind but even from here they looked different from what Jaina was used to seeing. Lacking the familiar blue quality and instead looking almost like the waters of her homeland during a storm. More grey than anything with a hint of silver. And then she smiled at her - seemingly all too used to such attention - and that seemed to knock Jaina out of the dream-like state she was in and the young mage turned her attention suddenly and raptly to the mostly empty glass in her hand.

Modera watched the exchange with silent mirth until it seemed the spell had been broken. "That's Silvermoon's Ranger-General you're eyeing, youngling."

Jaina looked up at her and the embarrassment she felt was clear on her face. Modera merely chuckled. "You aren't the first to stare, child. And certainly not the last. You could always go talk to her, you know. She's more approachable than she seems."

"Modera, please." Jaina responded with a withering look as she stood from the bench she'd been planted on for what suddenly felt like hours. "I think bed would serve me much better at the moment."

The older mage shook her head and smiled warmly before turning her attention elsewhere - apparently bored with her teasing, now.

As Jaina made her way to her quarters within the rooms belonging to the Kirin Tor Kael'thas, having noticed her departure, jogged for a moment to catch up with her. "Lady Jaina...Please. Allow me to see you safely to your rooms." His voice was silky in a way that Jaina didn't exactly find pleasant and she gave him a tired, forced smile.

"I think I know my way well enough, Kael. Thank you."

"I would never presume to suggest otherwise it's just...the walk can sometimes be lonely. I thought you might appreciate some company."

"Unfortunately your attention seems to be required elsewhere, Sunstrider."

They both turned at the same time and Jaina was stunned to see the same woman from before standing there. She hadn't even heard her approach…

"Bal'a dash, Ranger-General. Where, exactly, might my attention be required?" He asked - all the feigned charm having suddenly drained from his voice. He still hadn't gotten over the rejection he'd recently experienced in regards to her. Nor the authoritative tone her voice always seemed to carry. She didn't have much patience for the spoiled Prince and it was all too obvious.

"The Archmage Modera was asking after you. Something about an unsettled tab you agreed to pay. I'd have covered it, of course, but I prefer not to get tangled up in Mage business."

Kael'thas seemed both satisfied and agitated as he sighed and began to make his way back to the Hero's Rest.

"Come, now. Lest more hounds catch your scent."

Jaina couldn't help but laugh at that. To call someone like Kael'thas a hound…there was something so brazen and free about her. A freedom Jaina longed for often within her almost suffocating, thoroughly well-scheduled life.

It seemed the woman knew her way around Dalaran quite well and, in a daze of both drunkenness and awe Jaina walked by her side - marveling at the way she moved with such grace and authority...and yet still, somehow, so silently.

Before long she found herself in her room seated comfortably in a soft chair by the fireplace and she watched, half-aware as the Ranger-General produced a pouch of herbs from the bag that hung at her belt and left it on Jaina's end table next to a mug she found sitting there before moving to the fireplace. She pushed the kettle that was already full of water on the swinging hook nearer to the fire so that it would be warm when Jaina woke.

"Won't you stay?" The mage found the question leaving her before she could find the sense to stop herself.

The General looked over at her - having just turned towards the door to leave. The subdued laugh this question resulted in wasn't at all teasing and there was as much warmth within the sound as there was on her face and the impossibly long, golden hair that spilled from her hood. "Another night, perhaps. When you are feeling more yourself." She moved over to the young woman, then, and leaned down easily to lift her hand in her own leather-clad one to her lips to brush a kiss over her knuckles and then rested it back in the lap she'd found it in. "Shorel'aran, Lady Proudmoore. Until then."

Jaina's head was still reeling when the woman left - the sound of her cloak brushing against the shutting door in a whisper that echoed in her ears. It seemed the Ranger-General was much better at diplomacy than her...so far removed from her own world and yet still knowing her family's name. She realized, suddenly, that she hadn't even gotten hers before she left.

Somehow it was that same realization that began stirring her into wakefulness.

/

Sylvanas shifted her arms as Jaina moved against her, helping her lean forward with a hand that stroked along her back at the same time. The sun hadn't even begun to tinge the sky grey yet as Sylvanas slowly started to move from behind her.

"No." Jaina murmured quietly, turning and pressing the Warchief back against the headboard of her bed and shifting to straddle her lap. "I'll make you a portal before dawn. Don't leave right now. Please."

"Jaina…" Sylvanas whispered her name and reached for her when she heard the slight tremor in the mage's voice as she tried to speak.

But instead of allowing her to comfort her, Jaina grasped the wrist of the hand that had been attempting to touch her - pressing it against the wall above them as she looked down into her eyes.

Sylvanas remained still under the scrutiny and watched as countless emotions and thoughts raced through the silvery blue orbs looking down at her. Eventually, realization dawned on her and she looked away slowly, turning her head as her eyes lowered to the bed and her brow furrowed. "You dreamt of me." She said quietly - pulling her wrist from Jaina's firm grip as her chest ached where her heart no longer beat.

But Jaina didn't allow her to pull away entirely. She grasped both sides of her face, instead, forcing her to stop hiding. "I dream of you often."

"You dream of things that are no longer real, Jaina. You dream of nothing." And as she tried, again, to pull away she felt herself suddenly pinioned where she lay - unable to move so much as a fingertip. There was anger in her eyes as they found Jaina's - the perfect counterpoint to the blue that now glowed dimly in a display of a fraction of the power she possessed.

"Don't say that." Jaina breathed past the lump in her throat, stroking through her hair and over her cheeks before she leaned down to kiss them - her lips finding the black streaks beneath her eyes and then her forehead. She could feel Sylvanas resisting the spell that held her still for a while and it was a relief when she finally relaxed into it. "You are all too real." She continued, slightly tense as she released the Banshee Queen from the hold she had on her. "And I want you just as badly now as I did then. The only difference is now I _need_ you."

As guilt washed over her at the way Jaina had stiffened - as though worried she would retaliate somehow - Sylvanas pulled her more fully down against her body. "Then don't keep me from you for so long." She whispered - emotion pouring into her voice as they embraced almost desperately.

They lost track of time in each other's arms and before long the darkness of the room was replaced with a dim, hazy light and voices below in the harbor broke the spell of their solitude.

Sylvanas rushed to gather her clothes and lace herself back into them as Jaina helped her and they kissed frantically whenever there was a moment to spare. Before long the Lord Admiral was walking through her rooms alone, eventually returning to the mess they'd made of her bed and falling asleep amidst pillows and sheets that still smelled like Sylvanas.

/

"The Dark of You"  
Breaking Benjamin

It must have been inside my head

I've lost the hope that I have lived

And now, at last, it comes to pass

We sleep, we dream, we have no less

Along the path we lost our way

It's all a game that I must play

And now the weak that fall return to ash, defeated after all

Fade away to the wicked world we left

And I become the dark of you

Say a prayer for the wounded heart within as I become the dark of you

Let go, we know this kind of life

We live, we breathe, we die

They call me to the light, forever lost inside

With every dream we find

We feed, we burn, we lie

The fall of humankind

The everlasting light

Fade away to the wicked world we left

And I become the dark of you

Say a prayer for the wounded heart within as I become the dark of you

Let go, we know this kind of life

We live, we breathe, we die

They call me to the light, forever lost inside

With every dream we find

We feed, we burn, we lie

The fall of humankind

The everlasting light


	5. Chapter 5

Sylvanas scarcely felt the rain as it pelted her mercilessly where she stood in front of the monument to her sister in the Valley of Heroes. The gathering of people at its dedication ceremony had long since dispersed. The Ranger-General, however, was as still and unwavering as the stone-hewn image of her sister that towered before her even as the wind threatened to tear her sodden cloak from her body. Her face was so streaked with rain even if there had still been people around they wouldn't have noticed her tears.

She just needed a moment. Just a moment to breathe...to mourn. And then she could once again return home and be what her people needed her to be.

"Why don't you go _get_ her, then?" Rhonin demanded - worry etched in the defined features of his face - moreso for his wife than for his sister-in-law.

"I've _tried_ my love. You don't know my sister well enough if you think she's going to listen to me when she doesn't want to."

The small gathering of Kirin Tor were all silent witnesses to the hushed, almost frantic voices of their comrade and his wife. Vereesa hadn't had the type of relationship with her older sister that Sylvanas had. The eldest two siblings had been much closer in age, and while it hurt - and gods did it hurt - what it was doing to Sylvanas was what wounded her the most. She had Rhonin. She had the love that they shared and the warmth of it to replace the void of all that she'd lost in the second war.

Modera left the couples' sitting room silently. She'd heard enough and she knew Jaina was waiting none-too-patiently nearby.

"She's still there." Jaina stated rather than asked - her worried gaze leveled on the much older mage. In silent response Modera produced a small, polished stone from the pouch on her hip and muttered an almost silent incantation. Jaina looked down into the scrying orb and her breath caught in her throat. The proud, vain elf she had come to know so well was trembling almost violently - so much so that she could see the water droplets dancing from the tips of her ears. And she couldn't even fathom how she was standing upright under the weight of all the frigid water that had saturated everything she wore.

Before Modera could even blink Jaina had thrown a cloak over her shoulders and pulled her hood up. "A dampening spell on the room, Modera. Please." The request was more of a demand than anything - her voice even and strong in a way the older woman hadn't heard it before. She felt a tickle of pride in the back of her throat as she granted the young mage's request and watched as, in a flash of arcane energy, Jaina disappeared from the room. She was satisfied none of the nearby mages had felt the disturbance and more than a little impressed at the display of power. It took a strong magic-wielder indeed to achieve such a feat based on a simple scry.

Jaina didn't even stumble as her feet found the uneven cobbled road of the Valley only a few feet behind where the tall, familiar silhouette of Sylvanas Windrunner stood - her expression resolute and stern as she made her way forward. The pain radiating from her was almost palpable. She could barely make out the weak whisper of the Ranger-General's voice as she got close enough.

"I should have gone with her." And it seemed that single statement took the last of her strength because in the next instant Jaina was nearly crumpling under the weight of the broken woman she'd caught in her arms. Once she managed to steady herself she repeated the spell she'd performed earlier and wound up squarely in the center of her private rooms in Dalaran. It seemed Modera had preceded her arrival because there were clean towels on the bed that had been enchanted to stay warm. She could feel them as she guided Sylvanas to sit on the edge of it.

Jaina went to work immediately - fumbling with the hidden straps and buckles of the unfamiliar dress armor and dropping the pieces on the floor, considerably more concerned with how pale the woman looked and how she still shook even in the warmth of the room. It scared her to see just how despondent the strong, capable leader was. How lost she looked.

"Talk to me. Sylvanas. Look at me." She grabbed onto the sides of her face and the dulled light in her familiar sea-grey eyes shifted slightly towards her in faint recognition. That was enough encouragement for now and Jaina eventually got her undressed and wrapped in the warm, over-sized towels Modera had left for them. She hadn't seen the other woman so fully disrobed before but despite how strikingly toned her body was it seemed too thin. Like she hadn't been eating properly.

She'd been infatuated with the Ranger-General since they first met and had grown to care about her deeply the longer their friendship went on despite how rarely they saw one another. She just hadn't realized how much she loved her until now. Until she had her wrapped strongly in her arms and pulled back into bed with her and the first heart-breaking sobs came against her chest and the flawless, untouchable facade slipped away in her presence for the first time.

"It's alright. I promise you it's alright." She whispered as Sylvanas turned her face to hide it against her, shifting to allow her to press closer and doing her best to pull her wet hair out of her eyes.

"It...it isn't alright." The High Elf managed to respond, taking one of Jaina's hands in hers to stop her from trying to do something about her hair. "No one can see me like this. I can't be this weak. You don't understand." Even as she finally managed coherent speech her shoulders still shook. As much as she wanted to pull away - to put her armor back on and return to her duties - she just didn't have the strength.

"I would see you however you are." Jaina responded - tears burning her own eyes now though she wouldn't allow them to fall. She remembered the pain she'd felt as a child when her brother was lost at sea as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. But she'd had her parents. And as she'd come to learn over the course of their companionship Sylvanas had precious little left after the second war. She longed to give her something. To be anything at all for her. "I would _love_ you however you are. If you would only allow it."

Even as sunken into her grief as she was the longing in those words struck something deep within Sylvanas. A need she had, for so long, refused to entertain and her response came wordlessly. She claimed the young mage's lips with her own in a way that left little room to doubt the meaning behind it.

Jaina's mind reeled in the moments that followed. It had never been like this with Arthas. This was all-consuming. Like a flame threatening to overtake her at any moment. The Ranger-General poured her hurt into Jaina and she took every bit of it - her touches in return gentle and comforting even as Sylvanas took from her everything she wanted in that moment. It wasn't as slow or soft as Jaina had imagined it would be. It was rough and desperate and sometimes painful in a way that left her hungering for more but the mage wouldn't have stopped this strong, wild woman for anything. She relished the bruising bites and rough, possessive hands and eventually her body caught up with her mind and what followed was earth-shattering for her. For both of them. And it would mark them both more deeply and more permanently than either of them knew.

For much longer than Jaina could have anticipated the room was filled with the sounds of Sylvanas laying claim to her for the first time - Jaina's moans and whimpers and her quiet, breathless reassurances each time worry flashed across the elven woman's striking, otherworldly features.

 _I'm not going to break, Sylvanas._

 _What if I want you to?_

 _Then stop holding back._

Their heated words still echoed in her ears as she as she looked down at the sleeping elf's head resting in her lap atop the sheets. Jaina's eyes trailed over the bare expanse of her body - the light sheen of sweat slowly drying over her back and the way the muscles moved under her skin as she breathed - flawless aside from the errant scar here and there. The way the woman was splayed out across her bed - the way her arm was draped over Jaina's covered thigh - it was all so human. So real. All the armor was gone - everything that made Sylvanas Windrunner larger than life. And yet the mage still felt like she'd touched the sun itself and somehow lived through the experience.

Eventually and rather reluctantly she eased herself out of bed and the soreness she felt as she made her way over to where her robe lay near her bathroom made her smile faintly. She headed for the door that lead to the hallway outside her rooms and stopped suddenly as she saw a tray of bread and cured meats on the table in the entryway. She felt a rush of fear nearly overtake her as she reached for the small note folded beneath the edge of it and opened it with trembling fingers. Who had been in her rooms? Had they seen… A wave of relief washed over her at its contents.

 _This is just a polite suggestion - but you might want to feed her at some point, child. It would be rather difficult for me to explain why the Ranger-General died of starvation in your bed._

 _-M._

She watched as the note turned to ash in her fingertips once she'd read it and carried the tray towards the bedroom, surprised to find Sylvanas sitting up - rather unapologetically naked - in her bed. And there was that smile. The same as the first time she saw her at the tavern. "That's distracting enough when you're clothed." Jaina chided softly - though she did nothing to hide the amusement in her voice.

Sylvanas took the tray from her and set it aside as she moved to the edge of the bed and pulled Jaina between her legs and looked up at her with one hand on the back of each of her thighs over the robe. "Did you mean what you said to me earlier?" She asked - her voice clear and soft with an almost musical quality to it.

"More than I've ever meant anything in my life." Jaina responded easily, though there was an apprehensive quality to her voice. "But...I don't expect…I would just prefer to make sure you're alright before you leave. At least eat something and-"

"Jaina…" She watched as the mage cut herself off and looked away from her and she stood slowly against her, tilting her head down to trail lingering kisses up along the length of her jaw and sliding her hands up as she felt the smaller woman shudder in response. "I would much prefer your company for the rest of the evening." She murmured against her ear. "I'll return to Silvermoon after I've known the peace of waking with you in my arms. I hope this is something you want, as well. And that it might be something you would want again."

Jaina managed to stop herself from breathing a sigh of relief as she rested her hand along the side of Sylvanas's neck and then pushed her back down onto the bed carefully. "I absolutely want this. I mean...not this, specifically...I couldn't have even begun to fathom how…"

Sylvanas smirked as she watched a blush form on the young woman's cheeks. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." She lifted a thin slice of cured ham to the mage's lips - rescuing her from any further talking for the time being. "I'm usually much more in control of myself. Would you draw us a bath? As much as I enjoy smelling like you I enjoy smelling like rain and sweat a lot less and I'm an unfortunate mixture of all three."

Jaina was grateful for the reprieve and leaned down to thank her wordlessly with a kiss that lingered longer than she'd intended it to. "You don't always have to be so composed, you know." She responded - her lips brushing Sylvanas's as she spoke before she kissed her again and then trapped her bottom lip between her teeth, tugging it lightly as she pulled away and lifted her head by her chin. There was a surprising amount of heat in those soft blue eyes and for once Sylvanas couldn't find her voice. "Because I don't plan to be, either."

She took her leave to the bathroom, then, and she could feel the Ranger-General's eyes on her as she walked. Which was exactly where she expected them to be.

Eventually, the High Elf ate some of the food that had been brought to her - mulling over everything that had come to pass over the past few days. The pain wasn't a white hot dagger in her chest anymore. The regret had subsided into something manageable. And someone loved her… Jaina loved her.

"Broken Open"

Adam Lambert

Broken pieces, break into me

So imperfectly what you should be

I don't want you to go

Don't wanna see you back out in the cold

Air you're breathing out fades you to grey

Don't run away, find me

I know the battles of chasing the shadows of who you wanna be

It doesn't matter, go on and shatter

I'm all you need

Broken pieces, break into me

So imperfectly what you should be

Lay here, it's safe here, I'll let you be broken open

Hide here, confide here so we can be broken open

Let's enlighten the night

We can fall away, slip out of sight

When you drop your guard

Melt into time, so intertwined, quiet

I know the battles of chasing the shadows of who you wanna be

It doesn't matter, go on and shatter

I'm all you need

Broken pieces, break into me

So imperfectly what you should be

Lay here, it's safe here, I'll let you be broken open

Hide here, confide here so we can be broken open


	6. Chapter 6

**ATTN: This fic will no longer be updated on this site.**

 **The story will be continued on AO3 under the same name.**

 **archiveofourown works /16403030/chapters/38398064**

 **(remove spaces)**

Chapter 6

Sylvanas looked up from her work in surprise when she sensed a faint echo of familiar magic. "Why do you watch me, Jaina?" She asked into the empty room just before a portal opened and she couldn't help the tired smile it caused.

She answered the unspoken call as she had so many times before, leaving the scouting reports she'd been working on and stepping into the mage's rooms. Her head reeled slightly from the hand that had landed sharply across her jaw and she took an immediate, confused step away from the mage as she brought a hand up to her dully aching jaw and looked at her - the mixture of hurt and surprise on her face fading into worry as she took in her surroundings.

The room was a mess. There were burnt papers scattered across the floor and overturned furniture and Jaina herself looked as though she'd been crying bitterly. "My love, what…" She rushed forward immediately - any worry for herself forgotten as she tried to touch her only to be shoved away strongly. "Jaina what is wrong?" she demanded frantically, once again attempting to get closer to her but stopping dead in her tracks as the mage's eyes began to glow.

Sylvanas glanced down as her hands began to match the color of her eyes, ancient arcane energies circling and weaving through her fingers. "Jaina...Jaina!" She shouted, reaching for her bow instinctively only to find she'd left it behind as she usually did. Even after everything that had passed between them she never felt a need to make sure she was armed in the mage's presence when it was just the two of them.

"How could you?" The Lord Admiral demanded suddenly - clearly barely controlling the rage growing inside her.

"How could I what? How could I what?!" Sylvanas's voice had raised and there was a tinge of fear in it as well as in her eyes.

"You would come here and bed me even as you had your people dredge my brother's body from the ocean floor? As it was hung in one of my harbors like some sick trophy?!" Jaina demanded. "We were never to use what is between us against each other. After all I have accepted...all I have forgiven…"

The Warchief glanced down at some of the papers at her feet. Battle reports from Plunder Harbor. Even in the face of the threat Jaina posed the anger on Sylvanas's face was unmistakable. "When? When did this happen?"

Jaina sneered in response to what she could only assume was feigned ignorance. "While you were fucking me, Sylvanas." She spat out - the disgust in her voice causing the undead elf to wince and look back up at her - stunned into silence.

"Because that's all it is, isn't it?" The threat of magic was gone now as Jaina advanced on her and soon had her pinned against the door to her inner rooms with a purely physical strength the Warchief hadn't anticipated. She could've gotten away. Could've physically subdued Jaina quite easily, really. But she couldn't bring herself to move.

"I'm the only one that can get you off. That's what it all comes down to, right? I'm the only one that...that treats you like you are still a person. Clearly, that was my mistake. And it is one that I will not make again. I am merely a convenience and you have been right all these years. I dream of things that no longer exist."

There was pure venom in Jaina's voice as she spoke and her words wounded something deep within her. The parts of her that still cared...that still felt. There was an unfamiliar ache in her throat as one of her hands came up to wrap around Jaina's wrist and the woman responded by grabbing onto it and slamming it into the door next to her head. "I didn't know." Sylvanas whispered - her voice cracking as she attempted to use it. "I never would have given this order. No matter how much it would have benefited me. Never. Come back with me I...I'll let you see everything. Everything that's been reported to me. Please...Jaina, I…"

"No more." The mage finally whispered as she released her hold and Sylvanas watched as tears slipped down her cheeks. "I don't want to hear any more. And I would not look through your reports. I wouldn't take advantage of how you feel to gain an upper hand."

Sylvanas looked desolate as Jaina let her go, reaching up to readjust her armor from where it had been shifted to.

"Go, Sylvanas. Please." Jaina breathed as she opened a portal for her, feeling like she was physically being torn in two. Sylvanas watched in silence - as the portal wavered and drained what was left of Jaina's energy in its unsteadiness. As she stepped through it she grabbed Jaina's wrist firmly and pulled her with her.

"No!"

Jaina knew nothing but darkness as she hovered in this world between worlds. She realized slowly that her desire for the way things used to be coupled with her exhaustion had brought her here..wherever this was. And as she tried to muster the strength to bring herself home she heard a familiar voice in the nothingness that surrounded her.

"Jaina...my darling...it isn't safe here."

Sylvanas found herself crumpled face-down in her room in Orgrimmar - sickened by both the feeling of the unstable portal and the encounter with Jaina as she forced herself up and looked around frantically for the mage before she leaned forward against the nearby table, her blurred vision landing on a fresh stack of parchments on her desk. She reached for them and spread them out with a shaking hand. "No…Jaina..."

"Clearly she isn't here. Sorry to disappoint. Were you looking for these, my Queen?" Nathanos's voice was almost a purr as she looked up at him - the sudden movement of her head almost causing her legs to give out beneath her. "Nathanos...why…"

"Your...feelings...for Proudmoore are nothing but a liability. The Horde already wavers in its devotion to you. I would not have you...us...lose everything that we've worked for." He moved over to her and guided her to sit in the nearest chair. She leaned back into it and shut her eyes against the spinning of the room.

"I need her." She argued weakly, turning her head away from him as she felt the coolness of his hand through the glove on her cheek. "And does she need you?" He asked - not expecting an answer judging by how short their visit had been. "I was here. When she was deciding whether or not she could still want you. Whether or not you were good enough for her. I've always been here." He stroked over the corner of her mouth with his thumb then where her lip had split against what he could only assume was a physical attack. "She will never again understand you. Not like I do. You know this is true - why do you fight it?"

Sylvanas pushed his hand away and slipped a dagger from her armor, grasping the front of his jacket and holding it against his throat beneath his beard. "You overstep, Nathanos." She growled, unable to stand up but managing to hold him still against her blade.

"No." His response was firm followed by his hand coming between the dagger and his throat. "I simply perform my duties to my Queen. This just happens to be one I should have performed long ago."

Before either of them knew it with a wail of rage that startled even the guards outside she exploded into a mass of shadow and Nathanos blinked up from where he landed across the room and a smirk spread across his pallid face. "You see?" He stood slowly and brushed his clothing off, hiding the relief he felt as she managed to reign the banshee in and practically collapsed back into the chair. "If you had done that to her you'd have broken every bone in her body. And yet here I stand."

"I would never...I would never." Sylvanas gasped out as she shut her eyes tightly - her head pounding with a viciousness she hadn't experienced in as long as she could remember.

Nathanos made his way back over to her and lifted her into his arms now that she seemed too delirious to resist him - carrying her to the cot situated near the back of the room to lay her down along the length of it. "No, I don't suspect you would. But when will you realize you are no longer you? Even when it comes to her? That is why you brought me back, is it not? Why you gave me this body? Because I have looked into the face of what you've become - what you're capable of - and I have never so much as blinked an eye."

Sylvanas turned away from him and pulled her shoulder out of reach weakly as he reached for her. She wanted to call for the guards positioned outside. She wanted him gone. And not just for right now. But she knew she was in a precarious situation. That if the Horde saw her turn on her own champion it would be the final stitch required to unweave the hold she barely had on everything as it was. And so she stayed silent as he pulled a chair over and sat down beside her - watching over her in a way that only further confused her frantic thoughts.

"Who speaks to me? Show yourself!" Jaina demanded into the darkness, looking around her and turning in every direction until she wound up back where she'd begun only to be faced with the most terrifyingly beautiful thing she could remember ever having seen.

That smile. Gods, that smile. She was stunned into silence as she stared at all the things she longed for. All the things that made her heart ache in a way that would never heal.

"You would think it would be I that wouldn't recognize you. You've grown more beautiful than I could have ever imagined." The Ranger-General's voice faded in and out - sometimes far away, sometimes near - much like the image of her did. Flickering between different instances of her existence - sometimes wearing the simple blue and silver armor of a ranger - sometimes full General's regalia. But the smile was always the same. Then the specter seemed to make up its mind and she looked just as she had the last time she'd seen her alive. The night she'd refused to go to Theramore with her - when she'd chosen her people over her own life for the final time.

"Syl-" She found her voice halted in her throat and as a sob escaped the image reached for her -clearly wanting to comfort her - and the smile faded from her ageless face when no real contact was made. She looked confused, suddenly. Lost.

"It's okay." Jaina managed to whisper, trying to stop her tears from falling. Anything to make that look go away.

"How...why are you here? What are you?" Jaina demanded - but there was a softness in her voice. A longing.

"I'm afraid I don't have many answers for you - even after having had all this time to consider the possibilities. I am merely what is left, I suspect."

"What is left of her?" Jaina asked weakly. "Of...of what?"

"After he took what he wanted." Came her short, simple response. And there was sadness in those grey eyes - the same stunning grey they'd been before. "What was useful to him."

The image...the broken fragment of her lover turned her head suddenly - seeming to hear something she couldn't. "You should go." She said in a hushed tone before turning to look at her again.

"Then...what is that...who are you, now? And how could...how could the person that you are now possibly still…" She stammered, ignoring the warning given to her.

"Jaina. Nothing - no span of time and no loss could ever stop my loving you." The voice that cut her off was stern now and her appearance seemed even stronger - more solid and again it attempted to reach for her, this time cradling her cheek, if only barely. The mage could, for just an instant, smell the forests and fields of Quel'thalas on her. "Go."

And with that word the Ranger-General was gone and her eyes slipped shut as her grasp on her own consciousness faded.

"Stupid girl. I swear you will be the death of me, yet." She felt hands on her - blankets - could hear the faint crackling of a fire nearby.

"Modera…" Her voice rasped from her throat and she opened her eyes for a moment - seeing her room and the aging mage currently fussing over her in a rather agitated way.

"Hush, now." She responded firmly, pulling her into a tight hug and then pressing a mug of rather foul-smelling liquid into her hand. "Drink this. You would think a mage of your skill would know better than to go messing with portals when you haven't had any damned sleep."

Jaina obeyed and ignored the taste for the most part but already she could feel the urge to cry rising in the back of her throat. "Where was I? How did you know?"

"I heard about your brother. I came as quickly as I could and your mother told me you were in your rooms. I heard the portal collapse before I managed to get in - you've gotten damned good at lock enchantments, by the way - and I simply located you through spellwork. But I do prefer not to venture into the Void very often so if you could kindly steer clear of it from now on that would be wonderful."

Jaina lifted a hand to her mouth and turned her head away. The Void...she was in the Void.

Modera was clearly shocked at how stricken she looked and felt guilty, suddenly, for chastising her. "Jaina...I only worry about you. I didn't mean-"

She shook her head in pained disbelief. "I saw her there." Her voice trembled as unshed tears burned her eyes and threatened to spill. She'd thought she didn't have any left.

The weight of the words hit Modera heavily and she was silent for a long time, eventually sitting down on the floor where Jaina was propped in a pile of cushions to draw her into a firm, inescapable hug. "I'm so sorry." She cooed softly as Jaina turned into her and held onto her fiercely. Jaina didn't need to tell her who. She could hear it in every bitter, muffled sob.

"She was here with you, then...when you made the portal." Modera finally said - her voice so low it was barely audible.

"I've made a terrible mistake." Came Jaina's only reply.

"Oh, Jaina...love...the two of you have quarreled many times before..."

"You didn't see the look on her face. You didn't see how utterly I destroyed her."

 **"Bother"**

 _Stone Sour_

Wish I was too dead to cry

My self-affliction fades

Stones to throw at my creator

Masochists to which I cater

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care

If indeed I cared at all

Never had a voice to protest

So you fed me shit to digest

I wish I had a reason;

my flaws are open season

For this, I gave up trying

One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I'd died instead of lived

A zombie hides my face

Shell forgotten

with its memories

Diaries left

with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on:

I'll never live down my deceit/center


End file.
